This morning, my heart felt so heavy when I woke up.
Max and I are currently in one of those arguments that feels never-ending. It's been less than a week, but we are still in disagreement. This week feels like eternity. (Although, a fussy, restless, teething baby may also be to blame.) I feel so unrest when we are not on the same page. This has happened before of course, and I trust that God will pull us through, but while we're still in the middle of it... I am so tired. I'm tired of feeling distant, frustrated, misunderstood.
We all argue with our husbands. Do we talk about it? Nope. At least I don't, not until right now. We keep these things to ourselves, because we don't like to broadcast to people that we're arguing. Of course not, it's kind of embarrassing. (Right? Am I alone in this?)
Sometimes I feel embarrassed, at least. Because in our cropped, filtered, online presence, there isn't much room for arguments with a spouse.
Today, I'm making room for it. We all argue with our husbands, and I want to share with you the only thing that gives me hope in the middle of it.
Lately I have just been craving more and more time in His word. I've been craving that time that I sit alone with Him, pray to Him, and rest in the comfort of his promises.
About a year ago, when I was pregnant with Lucas, Max and I were in the middle of an argument. God gave me a verse to pray over our marriage, and when I feel stuck, I always come back to it. It's such a beautiful verse to pray over any relationship when there is disagreement and strife.
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Phillipians 2: 1-3
This was my prayer that I journaled this morning:
God, I desperately need your intervention. I need you to be in the middle of our marriage. I need you to move in our hearts. I need your guidance. Use me. Lead me in how to love him. Lead me in how to bless him. Help me to have patience, grace, and understanding. Help us to come to full agreement, and be of the same mind, in Jesus name. Amen.
I wanted to share this with you today because I don't believe I'm alone in this. The most important thing we can do for our husbands is to pray. The most important thing we can do for our marriage is to pray. You will fail your husband, and he will fail you. But our Lord God will never fail us!