I am so excited about this year. This is the year that my life begins. I know how cheesy that sounds!! It feels so true, though. This is the year that I get to do what I have always dreamed of. It's the beginning of my life as a stay at home mom.
This is what God has called me to do. And you know what comes with a calling? Usually some kind of spiritual battle. Because when you walk in faith, doing what the Lord has called you to do, that makes the enemy's skin crawl. So He tries to plant seeds of doubt and insecurity.
It was so clear to me this week that what I just described was happening. I was being attacked. I felt everything piling up- all the things I needed to clean, organize, put away, etc. I got overwhelmed, which happens more than I would like to admit, and did I mention I'm a very forgetful person? Well I am. Sometimes to the point of danger.
So as I'm feeling overwhelmed at my to-do list, I'm folding laundry after dinner (you know, the giant mountain that I couldn't hide from any longer) and Max goes into the kitchen and sees that I left the oven on. Ugh. I didn't leave it on from dinner. Nope, I left it on since I put some bacon in there earlier that morning. I immediately started crying.
Something I tell myself in moments like this: I can't do anything right. I'm letting down my family, and I'm such a failure.
The next day, my best friend texted me and asked, "what can I pray for you this coming year?" (I know, she's the best). I pretty much told her, "I want you to pray for me to get my life together!!"
I became a wife and mom at such a young age, that sometimes I feel like I didn't even have time to figure out how to take care of myself, let alone a whole house and family. My friend reminded me that my husband and baby are happy, and most importantly, they know that I love them.
What's wrong with learning as you go? Nothing. So I will stop putting pressure on myself to have a perfectly clean house 24/7.
I will stop putting pressure on myself to be skinny.
I will stop putting pressure on myself to make every meal perfect & healthy.
I will stop putting pressure on myself the things that the world tells me are important.
Instead, I will slowly add things into our lifestyle that are better for us. Change does not happen overnight, and neither does a healthy mindset. So, I know this will be my battle this year: to overcome insecurity and to embrace the chaos of my life. Eventually, there may be a day that I figure out how to put the laundry away right after it's done drying. But for now, I won't let it make me feel like a failure.
What are you changing this year?